Do you ever wonder who you were before you were this you? For me sometimes, it's like the previous me has been erased almost, only remembered in old photos. This me smiles alot but is happy with a lot less, and a lot more paradoxically. I used to have a garden and fall asleep reading seed catalogs, planning my crop rotations and wake to the cheerful chorus of birds and the scent of warm roses through the window...sounds idylic doesn't it......and children screaming.......and the clucking of frantic hens being chased out of the kitchen!
Now I fall asleep if I'm lucky, hypnotised by Dicken's into an all too brief sleep only to wake to the growling snores coming through the cardboard walls of this rental house that we ended up in...how?
How does one's big picture change so much and seeminly spin so fast as to feel like it's standing still for so long unchanging.....how does it change so much that the same person can be living an entirely different life and all that seemed routine has faded into memory? Is this what time does to us?...just slips by us, unoticed but all the while busily adjusting things, moving things on their journeys....moving us along...until one day we don't recognise where we are ...and only in that minute do we register 10 years have passed and we are changed....it's only natural to feel a little anxious and lost isn't it?
To balance that side of things, I have so many wonderful new people and experiences in my life now I am loved and I love where I am....at least some of the time I love it...the downside to my reality is that I can't access them freely which is a torment to be bourne with much protest and gnashing of teeth!!
My life is on the nectar and tea diet atm....I wouldn't recommend it, nectar is highly addictive and once tasted puts you right off your tea! Time to give up dieting and live on nectar?!!Soon as I can I intend to bathe in nectar at least 3 times a day!
So I suppose I choose to focus all my thoughts on the sunny times....the tasty times...the sustaining times....and even better times to come, not backward to what has been and can't be brought back or changed.
I realise what's important is to accept change is inevitable and find ways to hold on to the best bits of what's been, even if it is only memories...and create ways in the present and plans for the future that can include our collection of treasures. Everything has it's season I guess...and there is good with the dark, sunshine and shadows in all times. Always a pay off....and I'm always the counsellor!!
.....................And I can hear myself saying.... this is bullshit happy clappy non-sense...she's clearly in denial!
It's true....I'm not good at accepting change....I do find ways to hold onto bits because I struggle with change and even a little bit of familiarity is better than a total loss. A lot of the time I can be 'positive', people have said i'm the most positive person they know....now I'm wiser and know myself better I know i'm just really good at disociating myself from unpleasant realities and living in my lalilaly creative mind, while the world around me stresses. When I come out of that place I've usually got a plan of some sort, and chances are things have moved on anyway! Wow blogging is soooo therapeutic!!
Now I fall asleep if I'm lucky, hypnotised by Dicken's into an all too brief sleep only to wake to the growling snores coming through the cardboard walls of this rental house that we ended up in...how?
How does one's big picture change so much and seeminly spin so fast as to feel like it's standing still for so long unchanging.....how does it change so much that the same person can be living an entirely different life and all that seemed routine has faded into memory? Is this what time does to us?...just slips by us, unoticed but all the while busily adjusting things, moving things on their journeys....moving us along...until one day we don't recognise where we are ...and only in that minute do we register 10 years have passed and we are changed....it's only natural to feel a little anxious and lost isn't it?
To balance that side of things, I have so many wonderful new people and experiences in my life now I am loved and I love where I am....at least some of the time I love it...the downside to my reality is that I can't access them freely which is a torment to be bourne with much protest and gnashing of teeth!!
My life is on the nectar and tea diet atm....I wouldn't recommend it, nectar is highly addictive and once tasted puts you right off your tea! Time to give up dieting and live on nectar?!!Soon as I can I intend to bathe in nectar at least 3 times a day!
So I suppose I choose to focus all my thoughts on the sunny times....the tasty times...the sustaining times....and even better times to come, not backward to what has been and can't be brought back or changed.
I realise what's important is to accept change is inevitable and find ways to hold on to the best bits of what's been, even if it is only memories...and create ways in the present and plans for the future that can include our collection of treasures. Everything has it's season I guess...and there is good with the dark, sunshine and shadows in all times. Always a pay off....and I'm always the counsellor!!
.....................And I can hear myself saying.... this is bullshit happy clappy non-sense...she's clearly in denial!
It's true....I'm not good at accepting change....I do find ways to hold onto bits because I struggle with change and even a little bit of familiarity is better than a total loss. A lot of the time I can be 'positive', people have said i'm the most positive person they know....now I'm wiser and know myself better I know i'm just really good at disociating myself from unpleasant realities and living in my lalilaly creative mind, while the world around me stresses. When I come out of that place I've usually got a plan of some sort, and chances are things have moved on anyway! Wow blogging is soooo therapeutic!!
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