If you can't fix it, ditch it!

Redid The Open Box blog....love the new feminine look! Couldn't fix the button issue, no html solution that I could work so I ditched dynamic for dependable and am rly plzd with the result. Lots more posts and pages added. Will get them all done asap....my mind's unloading, it's so liberating!!
http://openboxtherapy.blogspot.co.uk/   Check it out! I could use a little company over there too if anyone would like to join me?!

Limitations of dynamic blogs...is there a fix out there? Anyone?

I never thought this would be me but I'm actually scanning the internet for html code!! No way is this me! Yep I'm SO SO frustrated with my dynamic blogs apparent incompatibility with social media links/buttons etc. Can't for the life of me see how to sort this on blogger......other than hack the code myself. Love my mosiac blog, hate how limited it appears to be!  Anyone out there can help, plz drop me a line! 

The Black Wolf Legacy

One day I was talking to my Grandmother about me, like we did on many ocassions. She was the only one I could talk to about me who would make me feel good about who I was. Grandma liked me, I knew it....I was a little wild and untamed and just like her.

We spoke about how I'd always felt I didn't quite fit in with the rest of the family, how I felt outside...different somehow, always fighting and wrestling something wild within my being that just wouldn't be contained. Others seemed to target me, misunderstand me, were fearful of me and saw me as a threat to their peaceful lives.
She listened, agreed and said quite matter of factly, " well my darling, you are the black wolf of the family...."

For a moment or two I assumed she had meant black sheep, but I was no sheep and she knew it.....and anyway, I didn't want to be a sheep, black, white or otherwise.... so black wolf it was!  I claimed it, made it my own, and set about learning of my black wolf within.

Being such a visual thinker and growing up primarily with my Grandmother's influence I was well aware of the spiritual realm. The language of archetypes and symbolism were native to my way of understanding messages and guidance. The black wolf ressonated within me naturally, what she represents I saw as positives within myself. I had already studied the work of Clarissa Pinkola Estes so this confirmation of my wild woman heritage was a blessing and a confirmation for me.

The she wolf has legendary achetypal status, and is a powerful symbol of good and dark forces. Kept in balance she is a great asset to me!  I am so glad I was named Black Wolf...thank you Grandma.

Today I created Black Wolf Publications - I was born to write, to create, to communicate...I have a vision and one day soon I hope, the Black Wolf will give birth to my dream. 

Love this one! RIP Patrick, you set the standard babe!

You know you're feeling it!! Admit it, enjoy!

I

Take a look anyone interested in Game Art Design /Concept Art - Proud Mama !!

James Teeple Art and Design: Group Work 3: So here is a screenshot of the final line up of my assets that made it into the level. Some were specifically designed to be featured in the...

Feelin the call to kindle the spark!

"Ya can't start a fire without a spark!"   You said it Brucey!
Do you ever feel the universe puts things right infront of you, just for you to see....hear.....right at that moment when you need it? Weird it's like there's writing on every wall today!

"The fire of desire is the catalyst for the creation of every great work of art. Everything we do is prompted by the desire to become the inspiration that moves the world."  Freydoon Rassouli

I found this artist and have fallen in love!   http://www.rassouli.com/Rassouli.htm
More than just liking his work I feel I have found a piece of my puzzle...a kindred visionary communicator. Today's no ordinary day....I can tell, it's going to be one of 'those' days! ....I been waiting for today!

"Go into the arts. I'm not kidding. The arts are not a way to make a living. They are a very human way of making life more bearable. Practicing an art, no matter how well or badly, is a way to make your soul grow, for heaven's sake. Sing in the shower. Dance to the radio. Tell stories. Write a poem to a friend, even a lousy poem. Do it as well as you possibly can. You will get an enormous reward. You will have created something."
--Kurt Vonnegut

Marianne Williamson    

"A miracle-worker is an artist of the soul. There is no higher art than living a good life. An artist informs the world of what's available behind the masks we all wear. That's what we're all here to do. The reason so many of us are obsessed with becoming stars is because we're not starring in our own lives. The cosmic spotlight isn't pointed at you; it radiates from within you. I used to feel like I was waiting for someone to discover me, to "produce me," like Lana Turner at the drugstore. Ultimately I realized that the person I was waiting for was myself. If we wait for the world's permission to shine, we will never receive it.The ego doesn't give that permission. Only God does, and He has already done so. He has sent you here as His personal representative and is asking you to channel His love into the world. Are you waiting for a more important job? There isn't one."   

http://www.marianne.com/

 

Is it even possible to wait patiently?

My answer to that is no! And actually, I think it's one of those nonsense things grown-ups say and we just adopt. How can anyone wait patiently? if you're waiting for something exciting you're not patient, you're excited...if you're waiting for something unpleasant to transpire you're hardly being patient, surely you have no choice and are probably feeling a great many things besides patience!

How does one 'feel' patient in order that one may wait patiently?  Or is it a stance one adopts, like standing with our legs apart hands on hips, braced and ready for a long wait in the winds of life. Or is patient supposed to be small, still and quiet? I should imagine that's what adults intend when they instruct children to wait patiently. Do they really mean acceptingly?

Accepting that the event is taking a longer time to occur than desired, or in the event of a looming tragedy one can hardly be expected to be accepting. Indeed, it would be a bizarre thing to suggest to anyone I know. Accept that you have no control and just surrender to the winds of fate? I don't think so! There would be a party to plan, or a rebellion to hatch. Something must be DONE!

Anyway, I am always battling with this issue. I cannot for the life of me be patient! Patient is a non word. It's a flat, lie down like an old dog in a basket sort of word and I'm not that shape.

Being forced to wait is anything but a patient, accepting, quiet process for me!
I hate waiting!!! I feel nothing can thrive in the vacuum that exists around me whilst I must wait. Everything stands still with me...we all wait....it's a completely wasteful use of life but I can't seem to change it?! If you have any suggestions I would be happy to know how you manage it and maybe I'll give it a try.

The best I can do with myself is to dream and plan out my future dream house-plan, room by room in great detail. Or make extensive lists of seeds I'll purchase and plant in my veggie garden.  This is a very new addition to my musing hours, since yesterday in fact, when I discovered I can have seeds sent to Cyprus! Now there is no limit to the garden I can plan. Shame I must wait!

I'm showering or in that lucid dreamy state between waking at 4.30 am and falling asleep again at 5.30 am as is my current habit, I open my sub conscious to receive another page of the book that's in my head; pictures and philosophy, my opus, which is ironically waiting patiently to be born while I struggle with everything else it would seem.

Nectar and Tea...my life atm

Do you ever wonder who you were before you were this you? For me sometimes, it's like the previous me has been erased almost, only remembered in old photos. This me smiles alot but is happy with a lot less, and a lot more paradoxically. I used to have a garden and fall asleep reading seed catalogs, planning my crop rotations and wake to the cheerful chorus of birds and the scent of warm roses through the window...sounds idylic doesn't it......and children screaming.......and the clucking of frantic hens being chased out of the kitchen!

Now I fall asleep if I'm lucky, hypnotised by Dicken's into an all too brief sleep only to wake to the growling snores coming through the cardboard walls of this rental house that we ended up in...how?

How does one's big picture change so much and seeminly  spin so fast as to feel like it's standing still for so long unchanging.....how does it change so much that the same person can be living an entirely different life and all that seemed routine has faded into memory? Is this what time does to us?...just slips by us, unoticed but all the while busily adjusting things, moving things on their journeys....moving us along...until one day we don't recognise where we are ...and only in that minute do we register 10 years have passed and we are changed....it's only natural to feel a little anxious and lost isn't it?

To balance that side of things, I  have so many wonderful new people and experiences in my life now I am loved and I love where I am....at least some of the time I love it...the downside to my reality is that I can't access them freely which is a torment to be bourne with much protest and gnashing of teeth!!

My life is on the nectar and tea diet atm....I wouldn't recommend it, nectar is highly addictive and once tasted puts you right off your tea! Time to give up dieting and live on nectar?!!Soon as I can I intend to bathe in nectar at least 3 times a day!

So I suppose I choose to focus all my thoughts on the sunny times....the tasty times...the sustaining times....and even better times to come, not backward to what has been and can't be brought back or changed.
I realise what's important is to accept change is inevitable and find ways to hold on to the best bits of what's been, even if it is only memories...and create ways in the present and plans for the future that can include our collection of treasures. Everything has it's season I guess...and there is good with the dark, sunshine and shadows in all times. Always a pay off....and I'm always the counsellor!!
 .....................And I can hear myself saying....  this is bullshit happy clappy non-sense...she's clearly in denial!

It's true....I'm not good at accepting change....I do find ways to hold onto bits because I struggle with change and even a little bit of familiarity is better than a total loss. A lot of the time I can be 'positive', people have said i'm the most positive person they know....now I'm wiser and know myself better I know i'm just really good at disociating myself from unpleasant realities and living in my lalilaly creative mind, while the world around me stresses. When I come out of that place I've usually got a plan of some sort, and chances are things have moved on anyway! Wow blogging is soooo therapeutic!!

lost treasure inspires passion - to be continued...

How is it possible for a knotted silk scarf to become unknotted and slip off totally unoticed, while one meerly walks briskly up the high street...impossible I would have thought and yet today...this tragedy struck me! Yes it is tragic! Today I chose a particularly lovely one of my dear late Grandmothers beautiful vintage scarves to wear, tied it around my neck in a knot so as to secure it from unfortunate events....and low and behold, it slipped away anyhow. How did it do that??

I am gutted that it's gone!!! I even walked up and down the high street asking in all the shops if someone had handed it in by some miraculous chance...but no....
The best I can do to cope with this unexpected loss is to try to imagine the fortunate lady who picks up the scarf, looking around, sees no one coming for it...examines it and smiles, realising she had infact found a treasure! I choose to think of my scarf on a great adventure...perhaps it will even inspire a children's story someday......today, it has inspried me to explore my love of silk scarves and start my own collection! Yay I don't collect anything.....but now I do! I always envied those people who collected the little crystal animals...just because they had an established passion, something eveyone identified with them...they are never unsure what to ask for for birthdays and Christmas, they probably get what they want...one for the collection! Well that's going to be me I hope.

I have discovered so many sellers of vintage scarves I have been blown away with excitement! So many I would love to have....especially those by Christian LaCroix ...ooooh I love love love these!! so expensive but so beautiful! I can imagine myself wearing these gorgoeus scarves and my children saving to buy me a new one each Christmas. I'm so sad to have lost the scarf today but weirdly excited to have discovered my new found passion ....collecting vintage silk scarves! maybe I'll even start my own e shop!! Cool! Thanks Grandma xxx

A lovely little find!

I've always felt myself to have the heart of a Gypsy...wild, restless and free spirited... always longing for home...wherever that might be...

 emilyisarose ·

The Heart Is A Gypsy

Seeking a permanent pit stop off of its long road
A gorgeous flame settled into a glowing ember
Dimmed by weight of memories together
Mostly great though a few somber
No longer wanders when it beats from home

http://hellopoetry.com/poem/the-heart-is-a-gypsy/

Sometimes...

sometimes I feel like a little candle in a jam jar with the lid on....do you ever feel like that?

The Way I see It

I love this pic of me and ma fella....this is the essence of me...most of the time this is me...though more of the time when we're together, which we're not enough of the time! I'm English but I now have a hankering to be at least half Greek...I can cook a mean moussaka..and lentils....and I love big fat black olives and living in Cyprus as much as I can...where I eat as many advocados as I like without a care in the world for how much they cost, coz they're cheap cheaps.

 I have a lemon tree with my partner and a red rose bush...and a mansion that I only live in sometimes, on a mountain top in Cyprus with a da Vinci vista surrounded by quaint biblicalesque villages. It's bliss x factor 50!  

My favourite time of the year there is late April early May...the wild flowers put England to shame...it's a veritable garden of Eden. Every inch of the place smells of orange blossom and jasmine. To me it's smells like heaven. 

My life is a jumble of people and airports...coming and going...waiting and rushing....thinking and planning ...and more waiting. I fill my time with pictures, with imagining every page of my best seller which I am going to write but since it has pictures it's obviously a bigger piece of work else I'd knock it out tomorrow.

I have a strangely visual brain that is at odds with organised thought but tremendously entertaining and a great help in Jungian style therapeutic work. I see in metaphors and find it a breeze to relate complex psychological theories in simplistic analogies so I feel I am rather good at making psychotherapy, or at least what I'm thinking which isn't necessarily by the book anyway... relatable for most people who see me..somehow it all makes perfect sense, in the moment and all that.

I am hugely analytical, often getting utterly distracted by some random detail and taking an age to work my way, very indirectly towards my goals...however observing and logging every detail of the route as I go for future reference.

I store a whole bunch of information, which I am able to draw on with remarkable speed during conversations. I become bored easily, prefer a good thick old classic to read rather than to go to the gym.... I frequently join gyms but fail to attend more than 4 times...you would think I'd learn but no.

I am happy to eat cream crackers and cheddar cheese but if all we have are table water crackers then it must be stilton.

I believe I may be a little unconventional, prone to impulsive behaviour...jetting off to Cyprus at a days notice to meet the man of my dreams...but I'm an unrepentant romantic, despite life trying to kick some sense into me, I remain stubbornly, irrationally and delightedly, utterly girlishly devoted to forever and ever Amen...and all that jazz.

Anyway enough of me....here's my happy pic, always makes my heart sing to see it and remember how good it feels to be soooo well loved.

They who do anything and everything, do say...that the hardest part of anything is getting started, well, I feel I should say that contrary to my expectations, this has proven to be a remarkably fluent and enjoyable release. This may well be the beginning of a prolific relationship...I look forward to chatting with you again...probably too soon!